Are you afraid of sharing your doubts? Are you struggling to open-up to people and show yourself vulnerable? Then we both, and many other people, have a lot in common. Today I share why I tend to refuse opening up and how it makes other people perceive me all wrong. Also, I give you some good reasons on how everyone, you and I can benefit from being more vulnerable.
Curious? Okay, keep reading.
After a conversation with my mum recently I came to think.
We were talking about my future, my plans and I mentioned how I always feel uncomfortable when someone older, some friends of my parents, ask me what my plans are or what I want to do after university.
We went so far as that we talked about miscommunications we had the previous years about me blaming my parents for the struggles I had to go through since I started studying.
I never meant to make them feel like I despise everything they stand for and that I don’t value what they are doing for them. But it seems my mum perceived it as I would not appreciate her support and she felt hurt by what I’m saying about the place and society I grew up in.
How people misunderstand your confidence
I told her she got it wrong. I didn’t mean to make her feel like I hate what she stands for more that I can’t imagine living a life like that for myself. We are all individual and every one of us has his or her own perfect life. So just because the live she’s living is something I would never consider for myself, doesn’t mean it is all bad.
It just means that my dream life looks different than hers but they are both equally perfect.
However, this conversation made me think. Am I to harsh? Am I not thanking the people around me often enough? What if I am to certain in my talking? Am I to confident and fixed in my thinking when it comes to my future?
I never meant to hurt anyone or make people perceive me as cold and unapproachable. That is not who I am or who I want to be. But it seems sometimes, especially when I’m home I then to make people feel that way about me.
It’s all about protecting yourself
I thought about why and how I could change this and make people perceive me more vulnerable and I figured the reason why I am so certain in my talking when it comes to questions about my future and my way of living is that I want to protect myself.
The way I chose to go is, because it is so unusual and something completely of the path, very hard sometimes. There is so much uncertainty in it and even if it might not seem that way, I have doubts on a very regular basis.
I ask myself constantly if what I’m doing is right and if I make the right choices toward my future. I have doubts about being on the right track and fear ending up not having achieved anything in the end.
That is why I, when it comes to the topic of my living, always talk in a very certain way and make people feel they can’t discuss about this with me. I feel like I need to protect myself form other people doubting me because if I don’t believe in myself, who does?
How things really look
I feel the need to shop people that no matter what they say or think, I am confident about my decisions and the path I chose to go. This way however I make them feel like I don’t value any support from anything or anyone.
That’s not true. I know and I appreciate so much, that without my parents and their financial and emotional support I wouldn’t have the chance to chase my dreams like I do now. I also know that without growing up in Germany and without my studies I wouldn’t be able to do what I do and build a future I am proud of.
I do appreciate all of this even though I constantly say I don’t want to live in Germany and I do not feel or want to be part of the society there.
My urge feeling of moving away has nothing to do with how much I appreciate and value what chances I got.
And after this conversation with my mum I felt the need to tell this everyone who wants to know it.
I am thankful for the place and society I grew up in and I know that if it would have been different I wouldn’t be where I am now.
I know everything, positive and negative that has happened in my past lead me to where I am right know and I am thankful for all the people and experiences I have in my life.
Why being vulnerable can benefit you and your success in life
The conversation with my mum showed me that no matter how scared I am about people doubting me and my life in times where I could need support the most I need to open-up more and let them know about my struggles.
I might appear confident about my way of living but I do have doubts on a constant basis. My fear of not making the right choices and not having picked the right way is constantly there. I ask myself what if everything goes wrong? What if I end up without anything? And I need to be confident and show people that I am confident about my decisions.
But I also need to let them know I am struggling, because struggles and doubts are life.
They belong to becoming successful and maybe if I open-up more, people will start giving me what I need.
Sometimes it is nice to have somebody else say you are doing the right thing, making the right choice and everything is going to be all right. – Tara
It’s good to be confident and happy with how you live your life but at sometimes you need someone else tell you they believe in you.
But they can only tell you that if you let them and you won’t let them if you make them feel like they can’t talk to you about such topics.
So, what I’ve taken from this conversation with my mum is that I have to be more vulnerable not in the sense of wining but in the sense of sharing my struggles in person and talking about my doubts and fears.
If I manage to do so, I am very certain, it will bring me greatness and happiness.
I hope this post was inspiring and you could take something positive for yourself from it. If that was the case, please share this post with everyone to help me positively impact other people’s lives as well.
Also come back next week for more.